Today Jean said the words “good enough” and I thought I was imagining it. Though, this was after FIVE hours of cattle calling. I realize there are certain mental stages you go through while calling cows.
The first hour flies by – you’re confident the cows are on their way, you’ve got energy, excited to be out in the sun, watching birds, lifting rocks.
Hour 2 isn’t bad, it’s a lovely day even if there are no cows or birds. The cows must be close now. Any minute Jean and Smokey will appear on the ridge. Sun is nice. Mind is wandering. I have snacks, yay.
By hour 3 you’re sure the cows will show up at any moment, any moment. Throat and head are getting sore and energy is decreasing. Might sit down on that rock for just a minute. More snacks. I could lift more rocks. Or not. Mind wandering all over the place.
Hour 4 – I’m forgetting what to yell, even though I’ve said it about 500 times in a row. Wondering when to decide that something bad must have happened, hop on Seago, and go home. I’m not getting up from this rock until I see some dang cows. I don’t care about scorpions. I don’t know how to entertain myself. I’m probably getting sunburned. Where could these cows possibly be? This is the most ridiculous thing in the world to have a person screaming her face off at cacti. I hate this. My head hurts. I ate all my snacks. It wouldn’t even help if I saved some. Dried cherries won’t make the cows come. Did they forget about me and the cows? Where could they be? How do Seago and Emma Grace feel about my voice? Do they think this is as silly as I do?
Hour 5 – I hear a moo. I must be imagining. No, there’s more. And now cows descending from the ridge! Hooray, the day is saved! Wait, there’s only 10. And I don’t see horses. We’re not done. And none of those 10 care that I’m singing to them. No birds. No cows in my yard. No patience. This is absolutely absurd. I am outraged. At least I’m outside. In Arizona. At least I’m not a stupid fucking cow. WAIT I hear moos. From the ridge. A herd! 63 cows followed by 3 horses! Slow motion, but real. Now they’re in the wash at the drinker. No way will they come up here. The horses and their riders try pushing them toward me. This is absolutely comical now. At their expense. Well, mine too… I am still screaming at cows from a hill in the desert. Can’t they use a recording for this? I can’t wait to get back on that horse. My voice is hoarse. Haha. I’m losing it. I really don’t want to go for a run now. What’s for dinner? Jean is still riding around rounding up cows. I can’t stand this. Some have finally made it up and are eating the dang protein blocks. Those with the white on their face are neat looking. Dave is now calling too like an absolute fool. Wait, who am I to talk? This is ridiculous. Jean, can we stop this nonsense?? “Alright, that’s good enough,” I hear her say. “BYEEEE COWWWWS”